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27-6-2017 7:47 am  #101


Re: We need a jokes section to lighten the mood

After some jumped up officer wound me up at Armed Forces Day this one tops the lot................I am livid!!!!!
This sort of treatment makes me think twice about the oath I swore all those years ago. One rule for royalty and one for us commoners.
Got a ticket for undertaking on the M1. Running late yesterday and so I've opted to use the motorway instead of the A38. I joined just before they closed the slip road to allow a royal motorcade with Prince Charles and Camilla in, heading to Cornwall...they were travelling along under police protection but so bloody slow.... They were doing 48 in lane three.. I waited and waited hoping they would move over. . Hoping they would speed up. But they didn't.. I got impatient and used lane 1 to pass them at 65 as they continued to do less than 50.. Stopped by lead police motorcade biker.. He told me off and wrote me a ticket.. I asked "why?" He said its because I saw you "pass the duchy on the left hand side..


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Better to live one day as a lion than a thousand days as a sheep'

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27-6-2017 5:44 pm  #102


Re: We need a jokes section to lighten the mood

I was interested in the crack in the wall.  I wasn't interested in the old dear's crack.  After some (actually very brief) consideration, I decided that the crack in the wall wasn't that serious  No way was I moving that potty.

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JMK

 

29-6-2017 9:31 am  #103


Re: We need a jokes section to lighten the mood

A blonde teenager, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman"She started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do."Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by email lately."Later that day, the blonde teenager came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked."Yes, she replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a $10.00 tip.“And, by the way," the teenager added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."


Please ensure you do not divulge any information which could identify you as Border Force will use your posts here as evidence against you in court.
Better to live one day as a lion than a thousand days as a sheep'

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